How to Feel Sexy in Fleece

I am living in a world of opposites. My tan lines are quickly fading after leaving my home for the past 14 months, bright and sunny Hawaii. I am now in gray and rainy Portland, OR. (How I got here is another story but trust me, I am supposed to be here.) This was exquisite timing really as Portland has just experienced a record breaking number of days in a row when the rain hasn’t stopped. 25 and counting. I wake up occasionally in the middle of the night, slightly panicked that I haven’t seen the sun or the ocean in weeks and I wonder if I will survive the colorless pallor of the Oregon sky. Focus on the trees, girl, focus on the big majestic trees. When the sun did peek out a few times, I ran outside and tilted my face to the sky and declared “All Hail Helios”. After which I pleaded: “Please don’t go” “I NEED you” “I’m serious!”

When I left Hawaii in early November and landed in LA to await my car shipment, I arrived with a pair of beaten orange flip flops that I had worn for a year. I had the realization that, um, I no longer owned shoes and that I would need them, stat! Not only shoes, I also needed clothes that weren’t bathing suits or pareos. I needed clothes and I needed warm clothes at that. Prior to moving to Hawaii I had radically feng shui-ed my life by getting rid of everything I wouldn’t need on the island. Doh!

Now I was going to “Winterville” where I hadn’t lived in nearly 15 years since residing in New Mexico. I had been traipsing around sort of half naked for 14 months on Big Island mostly wearing the bright green stretchy mini skirt I’d scored at a thrift store for $1.50 with t -shirts and Indian kurtas. Thankfully, LA was warm when I arrived and was a good transition to the chill that awaited me but I needed to prepare. I scored a down coat at Ross Dress for Less with a furry hood. Kind of fugly but definitely practical. It turned out to be the best $70 I’d spent in a long time. It’s my outdoor coat AND my house coat. For reals!

I arrived in Portland mid December having survived a treacherous last leg of my driving journey from Ashland Or where big rigs sprayed voluminous clouds of rain and gust, inspiring prayers and cursing with every passing. Sat Nam! Fuck you! Which I consistently emphasized with a blessing of flipping the trucks the bird. I created a new word to describe the experience: Clustertruck.

When I finally did arrive in Portland I was thankfully alive and I was fecking freezing.

Which brings me to the topic of fleece.

I am not a fleece person or a gear person but I knew I needed to become one fast or I would die a cold and horrible freezing death by winter. (Ok, a tad dramatic but probably true). I brought my fading tan line self to the local Columbia Sportswear outlet nearby and thankfully they were having a pre Christmas sale with huge discounts on everything from down vests to fleece sweatshirts to ugly quilted snow boots. I bought a lot of fleece: a purple fleece, a black fleece, an olive green fleece, a few thermal underwear kind of shirts, a space age down vest, a hat, wool socks and a hot pink sweatshirt. I geared up as they say. And while the clothes weren’t particularly ugly, they are just not my bohemian gypsy chick style of mixing vintage with garage sale with designer with Anthropologie. You feel me?

When I returned home to try on said purchases, I was warm, but man did I not feel sexy. From brown skin baring outfits to cloth covering every square inch of my body with something to warm me, I was thinking, how is this going to work? How is this going to help my dating life? My sense of femininity? I am dressed as a non descript Michelin woman in down and synthetic, albeit, warm fibers. Eek! Where’s my skin? My tan? Where is my body?

And then I had a realization while chatting with a friend. The best way to feel sexy in fleece is to TAKE IT OFF.

Simple.

Since removing your fleece completely is not always a possibility here are some helpful tips to feel sexy in fleece.

1. Go to the nearest lingerie department of any major department store and buy a collection of sexiness for underneath the fleece with lace and embroidered bras and panties. The sexier the better! Get x-rated and fierce under that fleece!
2. Wear lipstick, get a facial, do your eyebrows, maybe a manicure? Get your feminine on!
3. Rock some elegant earrings to dress up the frump of fleece.
4. Pray for Spring to come sooner than later.
5. Find a boyfriend to replace the fleece to keep you warm. Oh yes, I like this option!

 

This treatise on fleece has been brought to you by an ugg wearing, fleece rocking, down vest sporting, hoodie hood on my head wearing sexy lady in Portland OR.

 

 

 

You can take the girl out of the city, but…

So I made one of my dreams come true. I moved to Hawaii a year ago.

After spending months at a time here on Big Island over the last 15 years, I took the plunge in 2014 and packed up a few boxes, gave up my rent control apartment and large art studio, shipped my car and decided to make a go of life in paradise. I was ready to live la vida aloha. I would wake up every morning, swim with dolphins, meditate, then go to my studio (in the living room) to paint. And this I did.

I also moved house 4 times,  was a founding member of a new artist collective, got gallery representation, had a solo art show in a healing center, was interviewed in the local paper, cleaned toilets for extra income, picked up dead rats and birds, ran an air bnb business,  ate at the same 10 sort of decent restaurants, shopped at the same overpriced local grocery store $9 for organic cottage cheese? Fuck you!, went to numerous potlucks (this is a big past time here but I don’t like to cook so always a quandary as to what to bring), wore little or no make up, heard whales singing and saw them majestically breach, walked barefoot, ate brilliant fresh fruit, saw a million stars, made 80+ paintings, drank too much beer and then I realized:

I’m bored.

Sheesh! How can this be???? I wanted a simple life. How can I be bored? Blasphemy!

And then it dawned on me: I am missing things that I thought I could give up to live a simpler life (museums, art openings, good food, concerts, dating, salad bars, affordable groceries, people who weren’t retired, no offense friends). I am missing CHOICES.  I realize that even though I was ready to leave the city, the city was not ready to leave me.

Fortunately, I have fluidity in my life. I have no kids or husband, no dogs or cats Well, the neighbor’s feline who I call Jack the Cat comes to visit daily. Not only does the sharing economy feature cars and homes, now it apparently features pets. I love this little guy!

When I woke up a few weeks ago and heard the word “Portland” echoing in my head, I thought wtf? And then I felt a huge sense of relief flood throughout my body mind and soul. You mean, I can leave this place? This place that I always thought would be the final destination on the metaphorical train of life? Yes, you can leave. Ahhhhhh. whew. ok. Good. You can leave and you can always come back!

Funnily or synchronistically, I started hearing the word Portland in every other conversation. I met people from Portland in the weirdest ways, including while kayaking in the middle of Kealakekua Bay on a random Thurs. afternoon. The guests I checked into the bed and breakfast, from Portland. Friends telling me they grew up in Portland. Another friend and her husband thinking of leaving LA, moving to Portland. And on and on.

Sometimes life takes you by surprise. (sometimes? ha) Well, life has just reached out, tapped me on the shoulder, whispered “Portland” in my ear and asked “are you game”? And I’m nodding yes as I pack up my things once again and leave the rural life behind and go back to the city. I can’t wait to wear boots again. I can’t wait to be a little cold. I can’t wait to walk down the street with my girlfriends and count the guys with beards and man buns, bring it on!

Hawaii, you will always have my heart. But if I hear one more motherblanking rooster waking me up, I’m gonna lose it. Srsly. If the internet goes out one more time, I’m gonna SCREAM. If I have to pick up another dead animal with a shovel, I’m going on strike. City here I come. I’m gonna grab my coffee-to-go and strut down the street with real shoes on. And I’m gonna smile at everyone cause now, I got Aloha in my DNA and it’s time to take it back to the mainland.

Mahalo for this last year, Hawaii. It’s been absolutely grand.

You can check out my art here. Any purchases will help greatly to get the move back to the mainland moving. Thanks! Your support means so much.

Love and aloha, Jodi